Passing Judgment: Praise and Blame in Everyday Life

　　生活在社會群體之中，我們的日常充滿著對彼此的評價。除了是文化與意識、價值觀的表現，這些讚美與譴責也反映著為了和諧地共同生存，個體應有哪些作為的生物潛規則。對於他人評價的在乎，是從人出生以來，便寫在我們的意識深處的執著。近來的神經與心理學研究，更已證實評價影響了嬰兒大腦的發育成長，正向的讚美，更是健康大腦的成形關鍵。



　　隨著人脫離嬰兒時期逐漸長大，雖然不再如孩提時期那般仰賴他人的照養，但對於評價的執迷─對讚美感到愉快；對責難批評感到害怕、受傷─卻仍是每個人生活裡每日都在上演的風景，人際心理學家Terri Apter稱之為「評價量尺judgment meter」─我們時時都在使用這把尺測量他人，以及我們與他人的互動，判斷對方對自己究竟是抱持著正向或是負向的評價。這些他人的評價，影響我們如何看待自己，產生驕傲、欣喜，也可能是羞愧與罪惡。



　　在本書，作者結合了長達三十年間的研究成果與案例，為讀者揭開讚美與責難如合在日常人際相處裡，扮演關鍵的角色。討論家人、朋友、情侶、職場等各種不同關係下的運作差異，以及如今社群媒體時代，評價運作的改變。透過作者的闡釋，給我們一套實用的工具，不僅認識寫在你我身上的心理需求，理解了評價系統如何影響我們，更讓我們有力量克服可能的偏見，包容不同的觀點。在讚美與批判的評價世界裡找到自己的主控權。（文/博客來編譯）

Do you know that praise is essential to the growth of a healthy brain? That experiences of praise and blame affect how long we live? That the conscious and unconscious judgments we engage in every day began as a crucial survival technique? Do you think people shouldn't be judgmental? But, how judgmental are you, and how does this impact your relationships? "Keenly perceptive" (The Atlantic) psychologist and writer Terri Apter reveals how everyday judgments impact our relationships, and how praise, blame, and shame shape our sense of self.

Our obsession with praise and blame begins soon after birth. Totally dependent on others, rapidly we learn to value praise, and to fear the consequences of blame. Despite outgrowing an infant's dependence, we continue to monitor others' judgments of us, and we ourselves develop what relational psychologist Terri Apter calls a "judgment meter," which constantly scans people and our interactions with them, and registers a positive or negative opinion.

In Passing Judgment, Apter reveals how interactions between parents and children, within couples, and among friends and colleagues are permeated with praise and blame that range far beyond specific compliments and accusations. Drawing on three decades of research, Apter gives us the tools to learn about our personal needs, goals and values, to manage our biases, to tolerate others' views, and to make sense of our most powerful, and often confusing, responses to ourselves and to others.